Guy/Kyle noodle cats

Because there were conversations about Guy feeding cats noodles because he’s a butt.

Takeout again. It was takeout every night because Kyle lacked the ability to function as an ordinary human being and cook actual food. He’d become so accustomed to chinese takeout that he refused to let Guy cook anything else. Let alone anything at all.

Kyle knocked Guy’s feet off the coffee table and placed the cartons of food in their place, “What did I say about putting your smelly ass feet on the table?”

“I believe it was somethin’ along the lines of ‘Guy your feet make me so hot. Promise to never tell Hal about my weird foot fetish’ i’m pretty sure that was it, right?”

“You’re the biggest ass in whole world.”

“And you’ve got the biggest ass in the—oof!” A pillow smacked Guy square in the face.

“Shut up and eat your food Gardner and watch what you say about my ass. Otherwise you’re going to be seeing a lot less of it in the future.”

“That’s not even funny Kyle.”

___________________________________________

It was only customary that the minute they started eating that a bunch of kittens paraded in, mewling and begging for food. While Kyle scooped up kittens, moving them out of the way and scolding them like children, Guy had another idea. He eyed the small ball of fur as it followed the movement of his fork and smiled devilishly.

“Oh hey kitty, you want some noodles?”

“Guy, don’t you dare feed the cat noodles. You weren’t here for the aftermath of the pizza.”

“What, cats love noodles.”

“If that’s some kind of other world thing, like funky space cats or something, need I remind you we’re currently on earth where cats, in fact, don’t eat noodles!?”

“What was that kitty, you really want some?” Guy said, dangling a noodle in front of the kitten’s face as it batted at it with its paw.

“Guy I swear to god if you—”

Kyle reached over frantically, trying to knock the food out of Guy’s hand or at least stop him in his best attempt possible. He did manage to knock the food from Guy’s hand, but in the process of climbing all over his stupid boyfriend, he managed to kick over his own.

A small hoard of tiny kittens swarmed the food now covering the floor. Two nibbled on noodles, another licked soup from the ground before cleaning the rest off Kyle’s sock clad toes, while the other triumphantly pranced away with the noodle Guy had previously been teasing it with in it’s mouth.

“No…”, Kyle moaned, dropping his head to Guy’s chest, then collapsing completely onto Guy in defeat.

Guy wrapped his arms around Kyle grinning, “See babe I told ya cats like noodles, and soup, and…whatever that junk is.” Kyle mumbled something into Guy’s chest. “Was that a ‘yes Guy you were right’ I just heard?”

Kyle continued to moan pathetically until Guy finally rolled him over so that Kyle’s sad droopy face was looking up at him, “It’s your fault,” Kyle whined, “you made me do it.”

“You little shit, you’re the one who knocked it over!”

“You started it!”

“Shit Rayner, what are you, five?”

“No…”

“Then get your cute butt up and let’s clean up this mess. We don’t want our babies eating noodles now do we?”

“But you said—”

“Shut it and go save our apartment from ravenous noodle eating cats.”